Marriages are made in heaven!

Marriages are really made in heaven. It is so surprising how we each find our own partners in life whether it is through falling in love or accepting a partner through an arranged marriage. My father was a very distant relative to my mother. He arrived from Calcutta by a train which was twenty four hours late due to heavy downpour in Madras. So his friend who was supposed to pick him up had gone back home after an indefinite wait at the station. My mother’s brother was in the railway station to pick up his friend who’s train was also delayed but met my father instead who was stranded in the station. Being a relative known to my uncle he picked him up and brought him home. He was to join a new job in Chennai and hence stayed for a couple of days in their house before he could find an accommodation of his own and moved out. My grandfather became mighty impressed with him in the two days that he stayed with them and decided to give his daughter in marriage to him. My father has also told me that he had liked my mother very much when he saw her for the first time and was blown away by her aristocracy 🙂

My uncle and aunts marriage is another story. My uncle, an exceptionally brilliant man could not use his right hand due to polio attack at a very young age. He was avoiding getting married as he was not sure about a woman’s reaction to marry him willingly. But of course my grandfather was trying to find a girl in the usual channels that was prevalent in those days. My aunt’s family received his horoscope and wanted to proceed but my aunt was not interested.  After a period of six months her uncle went through my uncle’s horoscope and told her that he would make an excellent match for her and that she would live like a queen! 🙂  This did impress her and she agreed to see my uncle who was in Delhi then. She in fact went to meet him in Delhi with her brother which was not a common protocol then.  My uncle removed his shirt to show her his hand and asked her if she did not mind living with a man with this handicap. My aunt was so touched by his gesture that she immediately said that she would be his right hand as long as she lived 🙂

Of course my marriage to my husband was decided by us with a short meeting of minds in just over an hour and we got married within a week of meeting each other. I moved to the US trusting my husband whom I barely knew 🙂 Then there are my two friends who fell in love and got married, one after a long courtship starting from the school days and another meeting her husband in her work place. The former’s wedding was conducted by her parents and the latter eloped with her boyfriend.

One cousin of mine married his high school sweetheart who was a girl from another caste as always love is beyond colour and creed. He was such a quiet and proper boy that we were surprised when he made the announcement. There was opposition from the girl’s family and the girl tried to commit suicide (a doctor herself by profession) and to prevent any further heart ache my uncle arranged and conducted the wedding. Her parents were gracious enough to attend the function.

Another cousin met his wife in his MBA class and she happened to be of the same caste and hence the wedding was conducted with all the fanfare! Then there is this cousin who refused to find his own match how much ever his parents pushed him to. He said amma please find me a girl to marry! But they did not. The girl found him instead. She happened to travel to the US and meet him there and fell in love with him and also told him of her interest in him. But of course he said my parents have to approve. So she waited patiently for a year before he came to India and formally met her with his parents and officialized the wedding.

There is a cousin who married his neighbour but within our community. Yet his parents refused to attend his wedding as he made his choice without giving his parents a say in the matter! But again I have a cousin who married out of community and a boy from a different state. My cousin’s parents went to the boy’s house in Calcutta to seek their blessings for the wedding. The boy’s father outright refused his consent for the wedding and politely bade them goodbye. It was a big shock to my uncle because he held a super post in the society and was really bewildered that somebody in this day and age would refuse his brilliant daughter citing caste and community as a reason.  But the boy prevailed on his parents or so to say faught with them. The father agreed for the union if they would not meet or speak to each other for six months period after which if they still liked each other he would give his blessings! Mind you, the parents lived in Calcutta and the love lorn couple was in the US.Yet the father trusted his son with this condition. Six months passed with out incident and the father gave consent as promised and they are happily married now 🙂

My baby cousin has just announced that he is marrying a politician’s daughter, who is of a different caste, from a different state. Well, this combination is a first for our family 🙂 He met her during his graduate studies in the US.

Now I am waiting for my children to get married. But my above narration is only a reassurance to myself that matches are made in heaven. Don’t know from where my son and daughter in law will come but that surprise element is what keeps our lives interesting!

23 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. caribbeanmarvel
    Nov 29, 2012 @ 14:30:22

    I found this interesting because I am from a different culture. Parents or relatives are not expected to have a say in one’s choice of partner. They do, however and sometimes it causes much heartaches and disappointments. Couples normally marry despite the opinion of others and the relationships between in-laws and spouses can be thorny.


  2. GiRa ஜிரா
    Nov 29, 2012 @ 15:21:05

    Awesome post. 🙂

    I understand each and every marriage is a story. Well.. interesting story. I am happy to reach such wonderful marriage stories.


  3. Ganesh Puttu
    Nov 29, 2012 @ 16:09:34

    hmm!!! i can relate to this post very much..i am in the middle of what is known as a matrimony search. my parents are busy looking for me on one side through traditional tharagars and relatives from native places. and i am on the other side actively looking out for myself through my work circles and friends circles. but despite my best efforts i am not able to find someone i can sync with and i also find that whoever my parents show me (after the horoscope match) are not at all appealing- even if they have a what is called a PAtthukku/patthu poruthum (is astro matching BS then?) and hence more and more am getting convinced that traditional arranged marriage may not be my cup of tea…i am seriously wondering how this is going to end up…waiting for the surprise to end soon..fingers crossed


  4. shaanthi surendiran
    Nov 30, 2012 @ 03:58:32

    a colorful bouquet of different flowers 🙂 best wishes to u for a great match for ur kids :)life is full of surprises .My talkative daughter went in for an arranged marriage and my reticent son gave us a shock by going in for a inter caste marriage !! but dont finalise any alliance even if u r vaguely uncomfortable about it ,just because time is running out .


  5. Vijayashankar
    Nov 30, 2012 @ 04:02:15

    Excellent post.

    Kids have to believe that parents would choose the best!

    Unless they are brought up or grown in a culture, where they find their own matches, it makes sense with arranged ( discussed thoroughly of course).

    May be in another post you can tell more anecdotes about Indian weddings that happened during your years of stay in USA a la Washingtanil Thirumanam.


  6. elavasam
    Nov 30, 2012 @ 04:08:38

    இம்புட்டு பேரு பலியானதை எம்புட்டு ஜாலியா சொல்லறாங்க…. ம்ம்ம்ம்…..


  7. ravichan
    Nov 30, 2012 @ 15:49:13

    நல்ல blog. “Marriages are made in Heaven, so as lightning and thunders” எங்கிற ஹாஸ்ய வாக்கியம் உண்டு. அது ஒரு பக்கம் ஹாஸ்யமாக இருந்தாலும் ஒரு விதத்தில் அதுவும் சரிதான். யாரை கல்யாணம் பண்ணுகிறோம் என்பதை விட எப்படி புரிந்து கொண்டு வாழ்கிறோம் என்பதே முக்கியம்.


  8. Vijay (@scanman)
    Dec 01, 2012 @ 03:49:32

    நிறைய கதைகள் சொல்லியிருக்கீங்க, தமிழகத்தில் பெருவாரியான குடும்பங்களில் இது போல் பல கதைகள் இருக்கும். உங்கள் குடும்ப, நட்பு வட்டத்தில் நடந்த திருமணக் கதைகள் அனைத்தும் happy ending உடன் இருப்பது மகிழ்ச்சி.
    பெற்றோர் பார்த்து செய்து வைக்கும் திருமணங்களைப் பற்றி இரண்டு விஷயங்கள் குறிப்பிடவேண்டும்.
    1) கட்டிக்கபோகும் நபர்களின் முழு சம்மதமின்றி கட்டாயத் திருமணங்கள் இன்னும் நடந்துகொண்டுதான் இருக்கின்றன.
    2) இப்படியான திருமணங்களில் சில total failure ஆகிவிடுகின்றன.
    இவ்விரண்டு வகைகளும் made in heaven என்று ஏற்றுக்கொள்ள முடியவில்லை.


    • amas32
      Dec 01, 2012 @ 07:04:57

      இல்லை சோகக் கதைகளை விட்டுவிட்டேன் 🙂 அதில் ஒண்ணு விவாகரத்து ஆகி மறுமணம் ஆகி நல்லா இருக்காங்க, அப்படி பார்க்கும் பொழுது அதுவும் வெற்றி கதை தான். எந்த திருமணத்திலும் விட்டுக் கொடுத்தல் தேவை. சில திருமணங்களில் கம்பாடபிளிடியே இல்லாமல் போகும் போது (அரேன்ஜ்ட் திருமணங்கள் தான்) மண வாழ்க்கை துன்பகரமானதாகிறது. எங்கள் உறவினர்களில் விவாகரத்தில் முடிந்த இரு திருமணங்களும் பெரியோர்களால் நிச்சயிக்கப் பட்டவை தான். கட்டாயத் திருமணங்கள் நிச்சயமாக வரவேற்க முடியாதவை. உங்கள் கருத்துக்களுக்கு மிக்க நன்றி 🙂


  9. Anonymous
    Dec 01, 2012 @ 08:40:13

    institution of marriage is a total failure, till both of them understand each other, Avoid Fighting for frivolous reasons, Hatred for each other’s family. seeing others like enemies will bring a lot of rift in the family relationship.


    • amas32
      Dec 01, 2012 @ 11:16:02

      That happens in any institutionalised relationship. It takes a lot of effort to make a marriage work just like how you make your job a successful career 🙂


  10. Devi
    Dec 01, 2012 @ 17:03:49

    Nice post, Manni! Starnge are the ways in which people end uo with each other indeed! I now know 🙂


  11. bharathvaz
    Dec 02, 2012 @ 16:07:15

    Maam you have given a nice narrative of so many marriages happening from the yester decades. But I am reluctant to accept that marriages are made in heaven.
    Its we who are making the marriages happen:-). Interesting to read:-)


    • amas32
      Dec 02, 2012 @ 16:40:32

      What I meant was it all happens by some factor beyond our control, by some divine will (if you believe in God) or mere chance if you don’t believe in God. Thanks for your comment 🙂


  12. @rmdeva
    Dec 08, 2012 @ 18:19:29

    Lovely collections of memories. when you read good writings you feel good and you cannot do anything bad. very good sharing.


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